28/12/2021

I don't like mentioning my name. I fear mentioning my name. What's your name? You ask. Apollo Gideon Odongo. I say. I whisper. Where do you come from? This is why I hate mentioning my name. I come from Amuru. I say. I whisper. Amuria? Not Amuria. Can't you have just a bit of wit? Which part of Amuria? You insist. Not Amuria. I say. I stress it. You shake your head and look away. Why do you begin to ask me? Why if only you really do to find my place on the margins? Which language do you speak? Are you Etesot? You pester. This is shit. Why do you want my language? I can't ever tell you that. I am Etesot born in the City. I have no village. But I can't tell you that either. You won't ever believe it however silly you may be. I won't speak. I am from the City. I say. I stay in Town View. I whisper. You nod in bewilderment. The scar on my neck frightens you with vague memories you heard in rumours. You snigger to yourself at me. At everything beyond me. Kony. You say. You laugh at all things beyond me about me. My hands are too slow, too short to hold everything together. I know you are wrong, filthy wrong, yet I feel you are right. I shouldn't have spoken to you in the first place. I shouldn't have ever met you, all of you. I shouldn't have ever felt we belong together. I should have known I was the other. Then I would have felt better. But now it is too late. Everything is too late. I am too shamed to save face. I am too shamed to assert my ego, to restore my dignity and freedom. If I do it, where will I go? Who will I go to? You are all over. Everywhere. I ought to alter the complexion of my skin. I wish I were different. If only my grandies were different. But the blood in my veins is as red as yours. The oxygen in my blood as life animating as yours. I desire strongly, companionship, how about you? I love my family, how about you? I am not Subhuman, or am I? How about you? 

Why do you make me feel this way.